Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
