you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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