Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
