he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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