Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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