Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
