your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
