Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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