I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
