I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
