Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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