She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
