Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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