That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
