What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm getting married
To pizza
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
