She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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