Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
