I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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