I'm sorry my penis didn't work
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
