And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
