I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
