The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize