i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we're making bets on your personal life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
