Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
