dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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