mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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