lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
