Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
