You're my little dorito
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we're so committed to being not committed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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