Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
