Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
