My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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