Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
