I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
