Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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