Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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