i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
