you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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