Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
