HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
