My room smells like vodka and shame
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
