i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
