So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize