omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
