look no pants
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
