we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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