Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
