just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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