I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
