Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
