Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
