An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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