I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You made out with two different species that night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
