WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize