Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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