i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
