i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
