White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
pray to the hookup gods
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
