He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
