Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is my gift to your gina
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
