I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
