Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's always time for handjobs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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