whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize