I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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