I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's Friday. Sex?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
