it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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