Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
