I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
