bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
