Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
