Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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